White Water Kayaking

Attention synchronized swimmers: being upside-down in the water in a pool during a routine is an entirely different thing from being upside-down in a kayak in a river.

Somehow I was under the impression that this wasn’t the case. Somehow I thought that since I had spent hours of my life under water doing hybrids and figures (while wearing googles and a nose clip in a completely calm and clear body of water) I would be perfectly suited to kick ass at white water kayaking.

It turns out that being trapped under freezing water in a small plastic vessel moving through rapids is MASSIVELY UNPLEASANT.

Surprising.

I know many of you have done sea kayaking at least once in your life, so you’re probably thinking “So what? It’s not like you capsize often, that’s really hard to do.” WRONG. Sea kayaks are like extremely vain cats. They can swim if they want to, but damned if they’re going to get their pretty faces wet. Kayaks intended for rapids, however, are like malicious dolphins with a slight mental impairment. Whenever I entered water that moved faster than glacial ice, my kayak was like “HURR I’MA GO ROUND IN CIRCLES THEN ROLL OVER, KAY?

As a beginner, when you capsize the boat the best thing to do is stay under and beat the top of the kayak until someone comes to turn you over. If you run out of breath, you can pull off your spray deck and push yourself out of the kayak. One time I swallowed approximately 80 liters of water as I went under, so I had to carefully weigh my options: I could stay in my kayak and possibly drown, or I could claw myself the hell out of my little death boat. With a swift “fuck this,” I concluded that it would be best to take a swim. When I exited my kayak, however, I was greeted by angry cold water that tried to bludgeon me to death with its rage. It felt like a python made of ice had just wrapped itself around my entire body and was about to have dinner.

When you’re out of your kayak, you also get a new respect for moving water. I’m usually pretty blasé about the idea of drowning because I’ve considered myself a really strong swimmer since the age of two. But the one time I bailed, I honestly had to wonder if I would have been able to escape the rapids if someone had not come to tow me out.

In many ways, the trip was a very humbling experience. I’m use to catching on to new things very quickly, which did not happen in this situation at all. I’m also not use to being freaked out so easily. I pride myself on always being the tough girl and not letting anything get to me (or at least not admitting it if it does). But I was all kinds of afraid on this trip and though I mostly laughed and smiled the whole way through, I think my instructors knew I was scared shitless. Probably because whenever we approached rapids I would start babbling about the muffins and the apocalypse.

At some point on the second day, I finally got impatient with myself. After not dying yet again on a set of rapids, I thought to myself “OK, how about you stop being a pussy and start being a badass. See how that works out for you.”  Now, when I say badass I solely mean it in terms of attitude. I do not mean I became a competent kayaker, especially considering how much time I spent flipped over like a frustrated turtle with Parkinson’s Disease. But the change in attitude helped, and while the rest of the rapids were not super magically fun all of a sudden, I stopped being afraid of them.

In between periods of terror on the trip, I was happy to soak in all the good things. We spent two days on a beautiful river flowing through a tropical-looking forest with mountains all around us. I was in the company of some of the most likable people I’d met in Wellington so far. We all spent Saturday evening under a shelter cooking hash browns and sausages under a rain shelter. One of the guys had brought his guitar and we sang through some of my favorite camping songs. When the rain started coming down horizontally, we moved into a tent and spent hours talking, drinking and eating huge chocolate bars. 

Camp

Foods

I should also mention how incredibly kind everyone was to me. They were super understanding and happy to reassure me time and time again that nothing bad would happen because they were looking after me.

So as much as I despised being the damsel in distress on that trip, it was also one of the coolest things I’ve done in New Zealand. I’m sure if I could learn how to roll myself back up without having to wait for a rescue, white water kayaking could be my new favorite thing. So I’ve decided to join the club and show up to their pool night on Thursday. I think they will be quite surprised to see me back.